误区一：华丽词藻，写作良药

小A的作品：
Travel can cultivate our mind and improve our spirit.When walking in drizzle, you can see the color of lissome branches becoming deeper; when entering a embossed church, the statue and flowers will reveal the mystery of religion. 

ETS赏识的版本：
Travel can cultivate our mind and improve our spirit. Since during travelling, we can know people from different backgrounds and view different scenes. For example, Amy, an American undergraduate, visited Hutong in Beijing last year. She made friends with local people there and was entranced by the old buildings. 

习惯了左手林清玄，右手余秋雨的小A，觉得包装才是硬道理。不管内容好坏，文采在，一切就在。然而托福写作不是拗格调的高中议论文，也是不是朦胧飘渺的浪漫文学。托福写作是一篇入门级的essay，它不需要展现词汇量，而是需要证明自己的学术表达能力。托福写作的语言需要清晰明确，而不是满满的巴洛克风。
所谓清晰明确，通俗来说，就是让ETS读懂你在说什么。你敲出的每一个单词都要make sense。而刻意使用自己不能正确使用的高端词汇，只会让ETS面对你的作文一脸茫然。Baby, what are youtalking about?

如果还不够明确，让我们再来对比一组中文好啦。

小A作品：轻轻吮吸一口，鲜美的汤汁触及到我味蕾的刹那，神秘的愉悦感瞬间将我包围，升腾，回旋。

ETS赏识的版本：小笼汤包好吃。因为里面有好喝的汤汁。

误区二：自圆其说，即为逻辑

小A的作品：
First off, Compared to new friends, old friends are more reliable. Naturally, Old friends have get along with each other for a long time and developed a deep friendship, which may lead to a high possibility for them to give a hand when others are in trouble. For example, I hurt my ankle when I was running at the sports
competition of my college. I was so ached that I could hardly move and cannot take care of myself. Luckily, my old friend Bennie offered to took care of me for total two weeks. She took me to school and picked me up after school. Moreover, she even cooked for me for 2 weeks without complaining. Therefore, maintaining an old friendship is more important than starting a new one.

ETS赏识的版本：
Compared to friends newly made, those who you have known from the past are more reliable. Mutual understandings have been firmly established through memorable experiences which you had together, and thus they are more likely to help out when you get stuck in trouble. For instance, once I sprained my ankle and found myself as helpless as a child. At this very moment, my old friend Mint phoned and told me that she wished to take care of me. She then continued picking me up and cooking me meals every day for two consecutive weeks. Circumstances like this are countless, and they are actually built on the past which your old friend walked you through. Therefore, we should protect our relationship with these old companions.

小AZ不服气的就是这组对比。Tell me why. Give me areason. 已然自圆其说，夫复何求。但真正的逻辑是环环相扣，因果相接。托福写作需要的是明确合理的argument，充分并且令人信服的evidence。分论点可以推出总论点，论证可以推出分论点，论据可以支撑论证。如果可以，托福培训机构培顿教育建议逻辑要紧密。

小A的作品有一处逻辑混乱，有一处逻辑断层。逻辑混乱在于举例部分说了太多跟论点无关的内容，而逻辑断层在于举例结束后，突然地就生硬地重复了下分论点，草草收尾。而ETS青睐版在例子结束后还是花了一定的笔墨去搭建例子和论点之间的逻辑链的呢~

误区三：结构求变，才够惊艳

小A的作品：
Air pollution, contaminated water and overuse of plastic bags have trapped human into a terrible situation. Since ignoring environmental concerns will do harm to our homeland and even make us homeless, government should pay more attention to our environment. However, economy is important as well. Without factory and business, there will be no enough living commodities and even no enough food. Thus it can be hard for government to make a high choice.

ETS赏识的版本：
For centuries, people have been pursuing good health. Some people argue that the maintenance of a healthy body is easier to get today than in the past. Personally, I’m against this opinion and believe that good health was easier to maintain in the past.

小A100分的创新意识让小A始终无法墨守成规，开头段可以更靓丽，主体段可以更吊胃口……然而ETS的耐心只有一丢丢，托福写作要遵循约定俗成的结构，因为这可以让ETS以Z快的速度读懂你在讨论些啥。

这与学术写作也是一样的道理。试想放在你面前两篇论文，一篇规规矩矩，先摆观点后解释；一篇集倒叙插叙于一身，先有卖关子后有欧亨利式结尾。你在3分钟内Z先读懂哪一篇？

So，约定俗成的结构可以让读者去特定位置寻找他需要的信息。在独立写作中，ETS在开头段里锁定你的总论点，在每个主体段的第一句话里锁定你的分论点，在主体段内部锁定论证和论据。如果锁定失败，焦躁的ETS会认定你的作文可读性不够。怎么样？一篇好的托福写作的写法，跟你平时习惯的写法是不是不太一样？那怎么才能继续学习、练习写好一篇独立写作呢？可以来托福培训机构培顿教育来进行系统学习，多名学员在此拿到托福写作满分，欢迎大家报名咨询，咨询热线：024-23286236